I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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