Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Those nachos came to me in a dream
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
