Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
