Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
