he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
