i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
two words...techno handjob
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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