i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
