made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
where are you?
Hypothermia
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
