How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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