Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
