this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
