he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
