I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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