she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
