she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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