I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
