So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
