Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
