If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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