So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
