How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
