Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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