final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
sex in a hospital.. check
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
