I feel like I'm in dance class right now
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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