Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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