You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
