My pussy is not your playground.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
