Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
