i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
