He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
