Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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