I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
