I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
