Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
