I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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