i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
