return my video game
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Houston, we have a blender
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
