it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
