is your mom at the bar?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
