There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
