Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
