some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
