I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
