after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Drunk is not a location!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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