don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
