Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
