I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
