I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
