I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
