You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
