Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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